2016 MLS Streaks Somehow Worse Than the Major Motion Picture Blue Streak

The Martin Lawrence Wooden Spoon Winners

Not only are Hauptmann’s Tire Fire on a five game winless streak, they’ve already had separate six game and five game streaks this season. Yo tengo un gato en mis pantalones? No...no. There’s nothing that exciting happening at Toyota Park.

The Luke Wilson Flimsy, Plastic Spork Winners (Runners-Up)

So, Kreis’ Christ-like revival of Orlando never really happened, despite a brief bounce after his hiring midseason. The Lions are currently on a five game winless streak and have another two five game winless streaks to boot. Furthermore, after Owen Coyle’s less-than-acrimonious departure in Houston, alien-resembling human being Wade Barrett hasn’t quite stopped the rot. Guess what? There are no other memorable quotes from Blue Streak, it was genuinely that awful, much like Orlando City and Houston.

Other streaks somehow worse than your generic Black-cop-meets-white-cop Comedy:

Teams with two or more 5+ game winless streaks:

Three 5+ game winless streaks

Two 5+ game winless streaks

Lengthwise, the longest of streaks:

Columbus: 10 games, Vancouver: 8 games

All teams with at least a single five game losing streak in 2016:

The moral of the story is not to despair. Believe it or not, half of the teams set to make the playoffs (if they began today) would’ve experienced a five-plus match winless streak at least once this year. DC, Salt Lake, and LA have also all proven that it is possible to have multiple, prolonged winless streaks and still make the playoffs (again, if they began today). In fact, three of the teams who’ve experienced two five-plus game winless streaks are playoff-bound.

Current five game winless streaks plaguing the league are: Salt Lake, Orlando, and Chicago. One of those could be a playoff team! It may sound unorthodox, but if a Los Angeles diamond-hiding convict can impersonate a cop and reunite with his long-lost rock and flee across the Mexican border with the help of the Los Angeles police department, anything is possible.